What struck me today was how different I am with my younger children now than I was when my older kids were younger. I probably just broke every grammatical rule out there with that sentence, but hopefully you can follow me! When Micah and Nik were little I read book after book after book to them. We'd read story books throughout the day. At naptime and bedtime we'd read through chapter books together. I don't just kick back and hang with my kids reading like that anymore. How sad.
Back then we'd have worship just before bedtime and every child would be tucked snugly into bed by adult hands. These days we have worship followed by staggered bedtimes. This means that as each child heads off to bed, they come and collect their lovin' and then tuck themselves into bed. This is something that I've been aware of yet I really struggle redeveloping the habit of doing. The kids have even told me they miss those times and wish we'd go back to it. Don't get me wrong, I spend time with the kids in the evening. And as the number of children awake decreases, the last ones up get a good dose of Mama. But there is just something about the tenderness of the moment at the bedside. Something about that quiet few minutes just opens them up. They are ready to talk about the stuff that is on their heart. And they are most receptive to hear what the Lord may have placed on mine with regard to them. Even the younger ones that are not so capable of putting into words what is occupying their thoughts bask in the wonder of the moment. Why I would ever consider allowing myself to skip past this time is beyond me! Yet, I so often do.
I find that parenting is not a straight path. You have a baby and you look toward the future. You see yourself holding onto that little hand and he takes his first precarious steps. You are right there cheering her on when she puts together that first adorable sentence. And of course, it is you running beside that bike as your precious child sets off determined to balance on two wheels. But what about when things get more complex than that? When you move past the simple things in that unwritten parenting guidebook and into the more complex matters of the heart and mind that seem to have rules as unique as each child. Are we as quick to respond to the older child caught in the turmoil of the pre-teen/teen years as we were to provide a band-aid to the toddler for yet another imaginary boo-boo? Some things we know how to fix by instinct. That's the easy stuff. Adult life is filled with stress and heartache and the fear of the unknown. The life of a child is really not much different. They are navigating unknown waters with expectations pulling them in a variety of directions. For me mothering has been filled with stops and starts, twists and turns, huge mountains and sloping hillsides. Just when I think I have a clue what I am doing the Lord reminds me that I know nothing and that I must rest fully in Him. I am so thankful for the times that He shuts my mouth to protect my children just as he saved Daniel from the mouths of the lions. I am praying that He will also gently guide me back into letting my younger children grow up slowly and not be stripped of that privilege just because they share a home with older kids.
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