As soon as that baby is placed in your arms for the first time, you fall in love. It doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl or how they measure in inches and pounds. One look and your heart decides for you. It's a beautiful thing and the way it was meant to be.
However, what happens when you find that child, whom you love so intensely, is simply hard to
like sometimes? Maybe it is their personality, habits, temperament, or even just the way they talk. Regardless of the
why, it is not a fun situation to find yourself in. And one that can make you question everything. If you have other children, it doubtless affects them, too. So many questions, so few answers, and so much guilt!
God's original plan for our world did not include sickness or disease. Nowhere would there have been behavior disorders such as ADD, ADHD, ODD, or any of the other myraids of acronyms that label today's children. That plan didn't include parents scrambling desperately for help to deal with a difficult child. Labeled or not, a child that tests you at every turn can challenge your faith and leave you wondering just where it all went wrong. You find yourself parenting the way everyone around you thinks you should. Social pressures dictate our responses rather than common sense and unconditional love. We focus too much on "fixing" the outward behavior, rather than "healing" the inner wound.
How about a fresh perspective? Take a minute and put those rose-colored glasses on and take another look at your child. Dare to see him/her for who they were created to be. Be still long enough to really consider the daily struggle that goes on within your beloved child. Because the man of war has invaded and sin has perverted our very characters. And the effects of that are painful. Deadly even. This is not a situation to be taken lightly or seen as an inconvenience in our already full days. YOU were chosen to parent this precious soul. YOU will be given the strength, courage and desire to fill that assigned role if only you are willing. But too often the problem is us, and not our child. Having to be intentional about parenting takes extra time and taxes our depleted reserves of patience. Don't despair. You are not alone.
I have a child that requires every creative tool in my arsenal. He doesn't mind my telling you. Because you see, while he is trapped inside a little body with explosive tendencies, he doesn't want to remain so. He wants more than anything to be freed from his prison. Sometimes I can just see him trying so hard to be "good" that it brings tears to my eyes. He craves words of affirmation to remind him that he is okay. Actually, he not only craves them, but needs them for his own survival. He spends so much time mentally beating himself up for his "short-comings" that he is clueless of his own value. He's hyper-sensitive to the point that eye-contact is difficult for him because he just knows he won't measure up.
But there are ways to combat this influx of negative thought and behavior. Encourage them in the path better followed. Give yourself...time, love, energy, patience...to them. "Me" time during these tumultuous years of parenting is often reduced to just that which gives you a breath so that you can return renewed to your family. Tuck yourself into bed a little sooner and set your alarm an hour or more earlier (eek!) than the kids rise. Take that time to pray, study, reflect, journal, talk quietly with your spouse....whatever it takes to help you get the best start on your day. Then when those challenges arise, you can offer a silent hug instead of a sharp word. You can smile instead of giving them that look that communicates everything you are stuffing down. Our efforts at modulating our voices or biting our tongues are futile if the child reads disgust in our body language. They are far more perceptive than we give them credit for. And a "difficult" child is often conditioned to wait for that negative response.
So go ahead and leave them waiting. Start
telling showing them today that you love them more than you detest their poor behavior. And don't worry if you don't feel all sorts of warm fuzzies. Feelings are too emotional to put much stock in!
Linking up with
Domestically Divine Tuesday Teach Me Tuesday
Homemaking Wednesdays
Proverbs 31 Thursdays
Experiencing the Love of Koinonia
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